a new feeling.

i just got to work and i already want to go home. just when you think you've felt all the feelings there are to feel, there are more. i don't mind feeling the ones that are positive but this is one is one of those that bring heartache. it's hard to describe. Connor had his first and last accident (if i can help it... knock on wood) today and it was to the sole negligence of his mother. he fell while playing in the parked minivan and hit his mouth. because he has teeth he happened to bust his lip. there was a lot of blood. even though he was in pain and crying he kept holding on to me, the one who let him fall. i'm supposed to be the one that catches him when he falls.

feelings: like an idiot. like a negligent idiot. helplessness that he's in pain. i want to hurt instead of him. guilt. restlessness. i can't sit still. i can't focus. sad.

the boss happens to be in today. as soon as he leaves, i'm going home.